I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
