If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
