I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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