So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
