My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.