dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
