is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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