I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.