walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous