My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.