I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
