I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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