pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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