Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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