Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
