My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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