I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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