i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
