I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
