Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
