its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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