Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
