Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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