I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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