Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
