remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
