I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
