Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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