There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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