you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
