I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
