my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
