Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
