I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
