She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
