how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
