i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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