ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
