i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
