Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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