she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
