i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need water and some morals
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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