Porn is love you can see.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
