I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
