Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
