party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You can't special order awesome
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
