Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
