Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
