i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize