you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
kristin has been a bad kristin
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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