I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
