You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
