Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
