Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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