so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
