I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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