My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
