put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
