i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
