So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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