I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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