i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
