I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
