Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
