Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
