You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
