If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
