This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
