I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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