oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
